75% sure....

So I couldn't wait any longer..I just had to know.  Greg, Gabe, Joel and I made the trip to catch a glimpse of our beautiful new baby.  

When the doctor first started looking, I think even he thought it was a girl.  He said..."OH I don't see anything", but about 30 seconds later he said..."It's a Boy"....75% sure.

Now...let me start the remainder of this blog post with a disclaimer.  I know thousands of people die ever day of horrible diseases and war and famine.  I know millions of Americans are worried about losing their jobs and how they will feed their families.   I know in the grand scheme of life us having five boys is no big deal, but to me, it's a big deal.  It's sad, not rip your heart out roll on the floor weeping sad, but it's still sad.  

I can see myself going through the seven stages of grief:

• shock and denial:  I was definitely shocked yesterday, more because for a second I thought maybe the Lord had answered the millions of prayers I have been sending up.  I'm a wee bit in denial...maybe there really is a 25% chance that it's a girl.  (I will say I'm not holding my breath)
• pain and guilt:  Don't know that I'm actually dealing/dealt with this one.  I will say at lunch yesterday I felt a little guilty that I'm not embracing motherhood with more gusto and vowed to work on it!  I also have dealt with the pain of what is wrong with me that God won't give me a girl.
• anger and bargaining:  This morning I woke up pretty angry about the whole situation.  I don't want to hear everyone's "thoughtful" comments about "well at least you won't have to buy a ton of girl's clothes" and "girls are SO dramatic".  
• depression and reflection
• the upward turn
• reconstruction and working through
• acceptance and hope

I haven't made it to the last four stages because it's a little early.  I know by the time this baby is born I will be excited and happy to have a new little boy in our lives.  You know what makes me saddest, boys leave and for the most part don't really look back.  They don't call their mother's ever day to chat and catch up (if they did they would be on Dr. Phil).  Boys don't shop and get pedicures together.  It just makes me sad.  

I found this poem on a whole website devoted to gender disappointment.  I thought it was nice:

I am a mother,

Who has dreams I'm afraid may not come true,

I dream of the day

Of holding a bundle of pink or blue....

 

Maybe I'm dreaming of pink,

A daughter who could one day be,

A strong but soft woman

A newer version of me....

 

Maybe I'm dreaming of blue,

A son to be strong, but kind,

A sweet little boy,

To grow into a good man in time...

 

So please don't judge me,

Or these feelings I can't change,

They may seem unknown to you,

Bad or strange.....

 

Please keep in mind,

Even if I'm not given my dream,

I carry a love within me

That may be unseen...

 

I will love my child,

Boy or girl,

And I will hold and kiss them just the same,

And they will be my world...

 

Even though I'm disappointed,

It's not with what was given to me,

It's disappointment for a world,

That I might never be blessed to see....

 

As I said before, I know my problems are nothing compared to what others, even some of my good friends, have to go through, but it is real to me.  Just say you're sorry for me, let me wallow in self pity for a couple of days and then I'll move on...you'll see!

P.S.  Is this baby going to give me a run for my money???  Have you ever seen one floating upside down like that??  I'm not sure I have!

Spring has Sprung

Well it's only been 12 short days since I updated last, but sheesh I have a lot to catch up on. If I didn't feel so darn sick all the time I would probably update more! Last week was the worst, in retrospect, I think I had a little virus that Joel and Ethan had the week before but at the time I thought I might be dying. (I know I am TOTALLY dramatic) Since January Greg has been traveling like a mad man which compounds our craziness and to top everything off we are having the rec room in our basement finished so my entire house is full of hammering, pounding, and a fine layer of dry wall and saw dust. (It's going to get 1000x worse tomorrow when they start taping and mudding, yikes!).

So here goes, here is my best effort at reliving most of March:

On the 14th Greg turned 36. We celebrated with a crock pot cake, unfortunately he wasn't that impressed. Lucky for him the next day we celebrated Madison's birthday (a friend of the boys) and Connie sent him home with two HUGE pieces of her amazing cakes!

In the last couple of weeks Gabe and Joel have really started to hang out more. They especially like to sit together and play starfall on the computer. I think it is so cute and reminds me of two other little heads who used to sit together and play...how did Sam and Ethan grow up so fast!?

The third week of March should have been renamed Walter Reed week! On Wednesday Sam and I had an appointment with the pediatric GI. He is such a nice guy but a real talker. We were in his office over an hour. I learned some really interesting things about food allergies, we feel certain that Sam is food allergy free. He explained to me that the cells in your skin are very different from those in your nasal cavaties and stomach, meaning just because you do or do not test positive for an allergy on your skin does not mean you are allergic to said item. For instance, Sam does not show allergy skin reactions to trees and weeds even though he really struggles in the spring and fall. This is because his skin cells do not have an allergic reaction (which is what was tested) but his nasal cavaties are obviously a different story (does this all make sense). This explains why 1000's of children are being diagnosed with food allergies that they may or may not have. I found all of this extremly fascinating!

We are all still a little perplexed about his random puking incidents. Doctor D. is going to run a few more tests on him but since he hasn't had a reoccuring epsiode in over a year we are going to let it rest unless he starts to have problems again. On April 1, we head over to Bathesda to have a scan of his kidneys. He can't eat for five hours before hand and his appointments at 2:30, should make for an interesting day!

Sam clearly has a healthy appetite. That's him completing his first six inch sub at subway. No more kids meals for that kid!

Two days after Sam's Walter Reed visit we made another visit for Ethan. We really do enjoy going to see his pediatric opthomologist Dr. Birdsong. He is such a nice man and has tons of toys!! After some careful consideration Dr. Birdsong has decided to put Ethan in bifocals. I'll have to take some pics of his new glasses, he looks so handsome. The bottom of his new lense is a +3 power, which is pretty stinkin' strong. The top remains clear for now, but will probably be adjusted in the future for his astigmatism. These bifocals are often called "training glasses" according to the internet. When Ethan focuses on things up close his eyes turn in and he gets double vision, without treatment one of his eyes could eventually stop working. Dr. Birdsong feels by about 10 or 12 he will have grow out of needing the glasses, his eyes will be "trained" to focus without turning in.

Have you met Mr. SoberSides? This is the baby who gave me his virus. I now comprehend why we spent the entire last weekend on the couch. He wanted nothing but to be held for about 72 hours. I totally understood, especially on Friday when I laid down on the couch at 1:00 and barely moved until Greg got home at 7:00.

This picture cracks me up because he was dying to have his picture taken, he was yelling CHEESE but as soon as I would click it he would put on this sly look. What a stinker!

Here he is a little happier enjoying his first spoonful of whip cream!! YUM!

Have I mentioned that we like the school we go to? One of the reasons we moved off Fort Belvoir was (well the biggest reason was the drive by shooting in front of our house) the fact that we didn't really care for our school. Fort Belvoir Elementary is HUGE with over 1,300 students in K-6 (and getting bigger by the month). Because it was so big and because the military has such a transient population there weren't a lot of things that were put on well and/or well attended. Our new school is nothing like that. This past weekend was the annual Spring Carnival. The boys had a blast! There were games, prizes, ribbons, cotten candy, popcorn, food, face painting, balloons, and tons, and tons of people. We had to wait over an hour to get face painting, Sam chose this nice dragon!
Ethan, always the outspoken one, chose this super cool pirate!

Gabe, always my conservative cautious pants was very happy with a "colorful soccer ball" on his hand. No FACE painting for him!


You can't miss spring when you see all the wild daffodils and trees blooming!


The boys have been bringing me lots of gifts. Ethan brought me all the purple flowers while singing the wedding march and Sam brought me this lovely Daffodil picture complete with a live daffodil. Poor kid he's been planning it for days but his mean mother (that'd be me) wouldn't let him go down in the woods. He colored this at school and put in his folder, but knowing I always ask for folders first thing he snuck it out and left it in the car. Then when I wasn't looking he put it on his dresser "face down" until I would let him go down in the woods behind our house to pick a wild daffodil. In my defense it's been raining and disgusting and the mud drives me crazy in the house. He was so proud to finally bring it in to me!

My biggest boy brought me a gift too:

On his latest trip to Fort Stewart Greg picked me up these Adirondack chairs. Aren't they beautiful! They are made of cedar and smell divine. The one on the right is a glider. LOVE EM'!!

Hope ya'll are having a lovely spring! Can't wait for summer!!

Baby Quilts

Before my boys are born I have made them each a quilt.  They each love them dearly (even taking them to sleepovers, which I have tried to discourage).  

I am pretty sure (all though I do REALLY want a girl) that this baby is another boy.  When I was pregnant with Joel we already knew by now that he was in fact going to carry on the Spencer name.  I had an appointment for last Friday to try to sneak a peak but decided to cancel.  I rescheduled for April 8th when I KNOW things will be very clear.  

I haven't gotten too antsy about finding out but in the last couple of days two friends, Nancy and Erika have been talking about finding out what they are having.  They are due in September as well, one is 20 days ahead of me the other 10.  Hearing them talk about it has put me into planning mode and when I saw this quilt on www.sewmamasew.com, I almost rebooked my appointment for sooner.  

Isn't that the cutest thing you ever saw???  OH I LOVE IT!!  

The first week I found out I was pregnant I found this quilt on the same site:

Isn't it so sweet and beautiful.  If we are having a girl, I will definitely be making this quilt!

OOOHHH....now April 8th can't come fast enough!

Planning

I'm a planner.  I like to get things on my calender early.  The appointment line drives me crazy (I'm sure it's mutual).  The line "Our doctor's calenders don't go out that far", drives me batty.  I am of the opinion that any appointment, doctor, dentist, hair or otherwise should be made at least a month in advance.  

You can imagine my stress when I discovered our county offers amazing day camps during the summer.  Registration started at 7:00 AM on March 7th.  I was there at 8:30, plans carefully laid so that no child's camp coincided with another.  I was thrilled when each application was accepted, money given, and receipts printed showing each of my children enrolled in their favorite camp activity.  

Gabe was beside himself to think of going to cooking camp, Ethan cartooning, and Sam Civil War camp.  Imagine my frustration when I opened the bulletin at church on Sunday and discovered the dates for VBS are totally in conflict with Ethan's camp.  I nearly flipped a lid when I figured out Sam's camp was the same week as our possible trip to the Outer Banks.  AGH!!!  I was ready to pull my hair out.  Am I a dork or what?!

In the car on the way to gymnastics I reasoned with the boys.  VBS and the beach are much more fun then any ol' camp (the same camps I was giving glowing reviews about last week, my poor children).  Ethan is still debating, Sam was happy to find another camp.  Thankfully when we got home my cousin had left a message that I had the dates wrong and Sam would indeed be able to go to camp and we would be able to go to the beach.  Ethan's still thinking so I haven't been able to "fix" that problem.  Now if the silly swim team would hurry up and post their summer schedule I would be in planning heaven!!

Am I the only one with full summer day planners in March?!!

10 Best Decisions

I thoroughly enjoy talk radio.  Well let me clarify, I enjoy Christian Talk Radio Programs.  Maybe it's because it reminds me of my childhood.  My parents often listened while we were in the car, or maybe it's because they offer down to earth practical advice on everything from parenting to prostate cancer (no joke - Focus on the Family this week!).  Given the choice between music and Family Life, Focus on the Family, Alistair Begg, Chuck Swindoll, RC Sprowl, etc. I will always choose to listen about God and how he is working in people's lives.  

Recently Focus on the Family (my personal favorite) was interviewing Bill and Pam Farrel, who wrote the book "The 10 Best Decisions Every Parent Can Make".  

I was intrigued by the topics they were discussing and went directly home and ordered the book.  Let me start by saying Greg and I are truly entering a new chapter in our parenting lives. This year Sam will be turning eight (the first year of tweenhood).  I have to say I am scared to death, well that may be a wee bit dramatic, but let's just say I'm beginning to understand when my parents said that the baby years are actually the easy ones.  YIKES!

Obviously there are ten decisions in this book that they find important.  Right now I'm choosing to focus on the ones that immediately effect my children or will in the very near future.  Those would be Deciding to be a Proactive Parent, Being Consistent, that Character Counts, Having a Plan, Being Creative, Being a Student of my Children, and Partnering with God.

Don't be overwhelmed by this book (I was at first).  My personality took over and I thought I will never ever be a Pam Farrel, I simply do not have it in me so why bother.  Pam admits to being a Sanguine Personality type, if you know anything about personalities you know sanguines are people people!  From experience, I know a lot of sanguines will do anything for a laugh and often their stories are slightly exaggerated.  Knowing this about the author I was able to take her words as truly genuine but also understand that she is a story teller and that things could be slightly embellished.  

Here are some of the practical things I'm taking from the book and applying to our lives:

• Pam drew up contracts for her children every year to work on a specific leadership trait.  The contract was simple, gave new privileges, gave a specific trait to work on for the year, and then had the child think of consequences for disobedience.  She titled the contract "_________ (name of child) is a Learner and a Leader Who Loves God!".  When the contract is given a small event or small gift accompanies the contract.  The child signs the contract and it is displayed for all to see.  Greg and I have decided to start with Sam.  We would like to see him be more bold.  Sometime around his birthday in June he will be presented with this new and exciting agreement to be worked on throughout the year.
• Pam also mentioned the importance of chores.  Our family does chores but I have grown weary of nagging.  She mentioned the P.E.G.S Chore System.

I have heard really good things about it and recently ordered (still waiting). 

I also ordered their "Choose a Chore" (used for immediate consequences for disobedience) a jar with preprinted chores the child picks from as well as a jar of "Pick a Privilege" to motive and reward a child for good behavior.  

• Pam mentioned "Caught You Being Good Stickers" as positive reinforcement for good behavior.  Yesterday I printed address labels with "Caught You Being Good" and a detective picture on them.  If we see the boys doing an especially kind or doing good work they will receive a sticker.  When they receive 10 stickers they will earn a special date with either Mom or Dad, their choice (something simple like a Happy Meal or Ice Cream Sundae).  We have already handed out 2 stickers and boy were they proud!
• Deciding to be a student of my children was one of the most intimidating chapters for me.  My personality type is very fair and just, very black and white.  I want to treat each of my children exactly the same.  Unfortunately (as my Mother has told me for years) this simply isn't possible.  The older our children get the more different they become.  Forms of discipline that would crush Sam simply roll off Ethan's back.  As they grow I long to know their love languages, their personality types, what makes them click.  I desire to truly know my children.  I know it's not healthy to parent them as the same person but it depletes all of my emotional energy trying to parent them all on their levels (doesn't mean I'm giving up though!).  
• Partnering with God is definitely an area where I need to continue to work.  I want to make sure the Lord is very real in their lives.  That they see him work through prayer and our faithfulness to him and to his church.  
• The last and probably the scariest thing I took from this book is that at about 12 years of age our children are no longer truly moldable.  Things can be changed in them but the groundwork has been laid and they are who they are.  This means I have a little over four more years with my precious Sam before he is a teenager and really begins to think on his own.  I pray that we are laying a godly framework for him (for all of them) so that he will make wise decisions for himself and for his future.  

Isn't parenthood an amazingly scary and rewarding journey!  I thoroughly enjoyed this book and will be referencing it often.  Do any of my faithful readers recommend any other good ones??

Air Sick Bags

Have you ever been sick on a plane?  I have!  It is extremely humiliating.  When Sam was a baby I left him with my Mom and Dad and flew to see Greg when he was at a course at Fort Leavenworth.  I knew as soon as I got on my second flight that there was puke in my future.  I sat down next to a really sweet guy who looked at me and my air sick bag and jovially asked "do you think you are going to need that?".  To which I responded "actually, yes".  Let's just say his smile quickly faded.  

Thankfully taking off in a large plane is very noisy.  No one (except the poor guy next to me) heard or saw me lose my lunch.  He very calmly notified a stewardess who took my little package and got me some ginger ale.  

Now if you know me I'm not much of a barfer.  It fascinates me when I do and I want to talk about and relive the details with the 0nes I love.  You all are finding out all sorts of disgusting facts about me this week, huh?!  After a couple of weeks and another sick session I discovered that my body could not handle two birth control pills at the same time.  My plane episode had nothing to do with flying.  Regardless I alway make sure I know exactly where that little white bag is before we take off!!

Kentucky, Gall Bladders and Zaxby's (or the lack there of)

It's hard to believe it was 2 weeks ago that I wrote my last blog post. I was SO excited to get to Kentucky. Morning sickness was finally starting to let up and I couldn't wait to hang out with some girlfriends and eat, eat, eat.

On Thursday night, before I left, we had Popeye's for dinner and I was up way past my bedtime folding laundry, packing, writing little notes and just generally getting ready to leave. When I finally fell asleep around midnight I kept being awakened by sharp pains in my torso. I kept thinking this is the strangest feeling gas ever and boy does it ever hurt. By about 2 AM I was feeling better and slept soundly.

I really enjoy traveling. To be honest I love the excitement and the hustle and bustle. When I travel I want to stop everyone I meet and say "I'm going to Kentucky, where are you going?!". Psycho, I know but I just find it intriguing. Leaving from DC is always an adventure. I got up at 5AM and got to the Metro around 7:00. Everyone always seems so sure of themselves and very important on the metro. Being the southern girl I am I want to talk to everyone, but I've heard this is rather taboo. Riding the metro I feel like such a big girl. I always try to act like I know exactly where I'm going and exactly where to get off. I got to Reagan at about 7:30 and bought myself some breakfast, a delicious sausage, egg and cheese bagel, which I thoroughly enjoyed on the plane. I made my transfer in Chicago and arrived safe and sound, and a little early, in Louisville. My dear high school friend Sandy was there to pick me up. I'm so glad she was able to come get me. She was so patient as I spoke with the luggage reps (my luggage did not make my transfer) and then we decided to have lunch at Raffertys. We both enjoyed a house salad and some loaded bake potato soup before heading back to my parents house to check out some blogs from people from high school.

When we got to my parents house I was starting to think that something was really wrong. My stomach hurt SO bad. Sandy suggested some gas-x, but this was pain like nothing I'd ever felt before. The pain was even shooting up to my shoulder and down my right hand. I finnaly decided she was going to have to take me to the ER. Poor Sandy, when she agreed to pick me up at the airport she had no idea what she was in for. We spent the next SIX hours chilling in the ER. When I first got to there I could barely walk. After about 30 minutes I was feeling pretty good (but rather silly) for dragging us there, but I just had to find out what in the world was going on.

Baptist Hospital East was a joy. They took me right back and did an ultrasound on the baby. Everything looked great with him/her. When I finally saw the doctor he told me he thought I was having problems with my gall bladder (ugh!). This meant I got to go back to the ultrasound room riding this:

Evidently in the civilian world you are not a loud to walk ANYWHERE once you are a patient. This was news to me! In the army you walk EVERYWHERE. I've even walked myself from Labor and Delivery to Postpartum and from Postpartum right out the hospital doors. I felt ridiculous being chauffeured!

The second ultrasound of the day revealed a 3/4" stone in my gall bladder. It's a rather large stone but (after speaking with my surgeon) not a bad size to have. The ER doctor told me I needed to eat a bland diet consisting of, no joke, bananas, rice, crackers, noodles, baked potatoes, jello and pudding. I felt certain that I would never poop again! The doctor also told me that the gall bladder had to come out. Unfortunately gall bladder surgery during pregnancy greatly increases your chance of miscarriage, so I am going to have to "suffer" until after I have the baby. Thankfully my surgeon told me I just needed to be on a low fat diet, not bland. This is not easy to do when you are craving ice cream and chicken wings!!

Thank you Sandy for taking me to the ER and hanging out with me! I had a great time catching up (oh and American even delivered my luggage to me in my hospital room, great service, huh?!).

(Sandy and I with are classic "take it ourselves" picture. We have a lot of these)

Well needless to say I was a little late getting down to Bowling Green to hang out with my other girlfriends. I missed our dinner at Zaxby's (sniff, sniff), but I got there just in time for sharing time. All twelve of us shared what has been going on in our lives for the last 10 years. That's a lot to share, trust me, but we had a great time!

Here we all are!

On Saturday my oh so sweet husband called to let me know that he had extended my ticket from Sunday to Tuesday. I was shocked at first but then really excited that I was going to have some time to hang out with my Mom and Dad. It was so nice to be home sans children. I got to sleep in and just chill with Mom and Dad without having to entertain, wipe noses or worse, butts! On Monday Mom and I drove up to the Ballard Designs outlet in Ohio. We found some great deals. I got two great lighting fixtures and some wall decor for great prices. We then heading back to Kentucky and stopped by the GAP outlet where I got some amazing deals on maternity pants, pants for the boys and shoes! YAY!!! I love shopping without children. The next morning I got myself all packed, we ran a few errands and then had lunch at The Cheddar Box, YUMMY!! I had such a great time. It was so good to reconnect with old friends and spend some one on one time with my parents. I'm so glad I went!

In closing I just had to share another Gabe story! We were all sitting around the dinner table talking about our day. Gabe has been taking swim lessons and absolutly loves it. I can see him smiling UNDERNEATH the water, that crazy boy. The converstion went something like this:

Heather: So Gabe tell everyone what you did today...

Gabe: I TOOK SWIM LESSONS!!!

Ethan: Did you drown?? (Ethan is deathly afraid of drowning even though he swims very well)

Gabe: (with a huge smile on his face) WE ALL DID!!!

YOZERS!! Gotta love em'