10 Best Decisions

I thoroughly enjoy talk radio.  Well let me clarify, I enjoy Christian Talk Radio Programs.  Maybe it's because it reminds me of my childhood.  My parents often listened while we were in the car, or maybe it's because they offer down to earth practical advice on everything from parenting to prostate cancer (no joke - Focus on the Family this week!).  Given the choice between music and Family Life, Focus on the Family, Alistair Begg, Chuck Swindoll, RC Sprowl, etc. I will always choose to listen about God and how he is working in people's lives.  

Recently Focus on the Family (my personal favorite) was interviewing Bill and Pam Farrel, who wrote the book "The 10 Best Decisions Every Parent Can Make".  

I was intrigued by the topics they were discussing and went directly home and ordered the book.  Let me start by saying Greg and I are truly entering a new chapter in our parenting lives. This year Sam will be turning eight (the first year of tweenhood).  I have to say I am scared to death, well that may be a wee bit dramatic, but let's just say I'm beginning to understand when my parents said that the baby years are actually the easy ones.  YIKES!

Obviously there are ten decisions in this book that they find important.  Right now I'm choosing to focus on the ones that immediately effect my children or will in the very near future.  Those would be Deciding to be a Proactive Parent, Being Consistent, that Character Counts, Having a Plan, Being Creative, Being a Student of my Children, and Partnering with God.

Don't be overwhelmed by this book (I was at first).  My personality took over and I thought I will never ever be a Pam Farrel, I simply do not have it in me so why bother.  Pam admits to being a Sanguine Personality type, if you know anything about personalities you know sanguines are people people!  From experience, I know a lot of sanguines will do anything for a laugh and often their stories are slightly exaggerated.  Knowing this about the author I was able to take her words as truly genuine but also understand that she is a story teller and that things could be slightly embellished.  

Here are some of the practical things I'm taking from the book and applying to our lives:

• Pam drew up contracts for her children every year to work on a specific leadership trait.  The contract was simple, gave new privileges, gave a specific trait to work on for the year, and then had the child think of consequences for disobedience.  She titled the contract "_________ (name of child) is a Learner and a Leader Who Loves God!".  When the contract is given a small event or small gift accompanies the contract.  The child signs the contract and it is displayed for all to see.  Greg and I have decided to start with Sam.  We would like to see him be more bold.  Sometime around his birthday in June he will be presented with this new and exciting agreement to be worked on throughout the year.
• Pam also mentioned the importance of chores.  Our family does chores but I have grown weary of nagging.  She mentioned the P.E.G.S Chore System.

I have heard really good things about it and recently ordered (still waiting). 

I also ordered their "Choose a Chore" (used for immediate consequences for disobedience) a jar with preprinted chores the child picks from as well as a jar of "Pick a Privilege" to motive and reward a child for good behavior.  

• Pam mentioned "Caught You Being Good Stickers" as positive reinforcement for good behavior.  Yesterday I printed address labels with "Caught You Being Good" and a detective picture on them.  If we see the boys doing an especially kind or doing good work they will receive a sticker.  When they receive 10 stickers they will earn a special date with either Mom or Dad, their choice (something simple like a Happy Meal or Ice Cream Sundae).  We have already handed out 2 stickers and boy were they proud!
• Deciding to be a student of my children was one of the most intimidating chapters for me.  My personality type is very fair and just, very black and white.  I want to treat each of my children exactly the same.  Unfortunately (as my Mother has told me for years) this simply isn't possible.  The older our children get the more different they become.  Forms of discipline that would crush Sam simply roll off Ethan's back.  As they grow I long to know their love languages, their personality types, what makes them click.  I desire to truly know my children.  I know it's not healthy to parent them as the same person but it depletes all of my emotional energy trying to parent them all on their levels (doesn't mean I'm giving up though!).  
• Partnering with God is definitely an area where I need to continue to work.  I want to make sure the Lord is very real in their lives.  That they see him work through prayer and our faithfulness to him and to his church.  
• The last and probably the scariest thing I took from this book is that at about 12 years of age our children are no longer truly moldable.  Things can be changed in them but the groundwork has been laid and they are who they are.  This means I have a little over four more years with my precious Sam before he is a teenager and really begins to think on his own.  I pray that we are laying a godly framework for him (for all of them) so that he will make wise decisions for himself and for his future.  

Isn't parenthood an amazingly scary and rewarding journey!  I thoroughly enjoyed this book and will be referencing it often.  Do any of my faithful readers recommend any other good ones??