alive day ~ n. the anniversary of a close escape from death, especially one involving permanent injury.

**WARNING THIS POST CONTAINS MY THERAPEUTIC RANTINGS AND A SORT OF EMOTIONAL VOMIT OF THE HAPPENINGS OF NOVEMBER 29, 2005**

Today is an exciting day.  Today is Ryan Kules' 2nd ALIVE DAY.  If you asked me two years ago if I thought we would be celebrating Ryan's life and achievements, I would have never believed you.

On the morning of November 29th I awoke early to get the kids and I out the door so that I could attend SGT Sacco's memorial service.  As stated before, the previous week had been a blur of activity which ended with Fort Riley's traditional Memorial Service.  Memorial Services, as they should be, are gut wrenchers, especially when you attend them alone, without your husband. 

Walking into Morris Hill Chapel, the annex is always filled with pictures of the fallen soldier and their families.  Pictures of sons with their mothers, husbands with their wives, and fathers with their babies.  Black ribbons are handed out as you enter the chapel, which has been draped with the traditional, boots, rifle, dog tags and helmet memorial.  I often wondered what this signified and finally looked it up today:

Most units prepare a visible reminder of the deceased soldier similar to that depicted above. The helmet and identification tags signify the fallen soldier. The inverted rifle with bayonet signals a time for prayer, a break in the action to pay tribute to our comrade. The combat boots represent the final march of the last battle. 

This summer, as mentioned in my earlier posts, Greg and I attended a Brookes and Dunn concert.  We had a great time, but in the middle of the concert they tried to pay tribute to the troops fighting over seas.  They played their famous song "Only in America" complete with flags on ever screen, a few military personnel dressed in their finest and the above memorial.  I have to say I was a little taken aback that they would choose to use this in their act.  People cheered when the military guys brought it out.  It made me sick to think that people were cheering basically the death of a soldier.  I know that's not how they meant it but it was a little hard to stomach.  Especially when Greg and I have been to way to many memorials where this symbol really did represent a real soldier, a man who fearlessly died fighting for his country.

As I found my seat in the memorial, I could sense that their was stress in the air.  This memorial was some how different.  People were whispering a little more then normal and when LTC West gave his speech about SGT Sacco, he got choked up and began to cry.  I can't tell you how many memorial services I have been too, but I have never seen the Rear Detachment commander cry.  Not because he is cold hearted or cruel, they just don't usually cry.  

SGT Sacco's memorial ended with the typical roll call and 21 gun salute.  Two things I'd be happy never to hear again.

As I drove home, I had a sense of relief that everything for Alpha company was, I suppose complete.  It sounds horrible to say that way.  I'm sure Brandi Sacco steal grieves for her husband but the memorial part was over.  I had been home about an hour when the phone rang.  On the line was our battalion commander's wife with a cryptic message.  If I received a phone call from "a wife", to not ask her any questions, or tell her anything but to have her call Rear D immediately.  Of course anytime you get a message like that your heart begins to race and nausea sets in.  I knew a message like that was not a good thing.  

By the end of the day I was finally able to convince someone in the know, to let me in on what was going on.  When "this person" said "it's Nancy".  I nearly threw up.  Nancy and Ryan Kules were the newest Platoon Leaders in our company.  Nancy's strong will and quirky personality reminded me a lot of myself and all though hundreds of miles away, she was in Tempe, we were fast friends.  While on patrol in Iraq, Ryan's Humvee was hit by an IED.  The two soldiers with him were killed instantly and Ryan lost his right arm and left leg and was clinging to life.  Suddenly I knew what the extra stress was that day in the memorial.  That memorial was only the first of three for Alpha Company and I believe LTC West already knew what was to come as he spoke of SGT Sacco.  I can still remember falling on my knees that night in our little master bathroom and sobbing and then praying, praying that Ryan would hold on, at least until Nancy could see him.  

I was so angry at God back then, how could he let this happen to someone that we knew someone that we liked, someone who was nice.  Aren't bad things only supposed to happen to bad people!  (I wish life were that way!)  Luckily God isn't scared of my disdain for him, I believe he embraces our true feelings and loves us anyways.  I'm still trying to find my way back to the simple God of my childhood that I could trust and love no matter what, but I'm getting there.  I'm very thankful for a patient God!

Nancy chronicled her days, weeks and months with Ryan on a caringbridge site.  If you have the time, it could take awhile, you should read everything from day one.  Her love and strength for Ryan is amazing.  Ryan is lucky to have her in his life.  Now a days Ryan and Nancy live in a cute little house in Maryland that they remodeled.  They have a BEAUTIFUL baby girl named Jillian and Ryan works full time for a group called the Wounded Warrior Project.  It is absolutely amazing how far they have come in 730 days!

Alright, sorry everybody (ie. Nancy) for the mush, it's my last sappy emotional post for awhile!

Something funny for today - Is this Ethan in 15 years?!

This guy's too funny.  Frankly I think he would have been a hoot at all the dances I went to in high school, college and when Greg was in Armor!!

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is tough when you are almost 4 months old!

The Leppert clan - The homeless man in the red hat is my baby brother ;0)

I hope everyone had a wonderful Turkey Day!  We have so much to be thankful for and had a wonderful time with friends and family.  This year we thought we would try a fried turkey.  I have heard they are FABULOUS, ours had "issues".  I think the poor thing sat to long before we ate him.  Oh well, I guess we will try again next year.  

We were blessed to have my parents (and brother) in for the entire week and then were joined by my sister and brother-in-law, our dear friends the Kules and my Aunt Judy!  We had way to much to eat and a lot of laughs and completed our evening with a Wii competition.  Nancy and Ryan graciously agreed to let us kidnap their Wii for an extra week and we have had a blast.  

I hope everyone else had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  Gotta run, Gabe is stinkin' me out with some poopie pants.....his days of diapers are nearing an end, this is getting ridiculous!

Harry Potter?

I cannot believe Joel is almost four months old!  How is it possible??  It seems like just yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital.

Joel's latest accomplishments include:  grasping his hands together at the midline, raising his head high while on his tummy, rolling from stomach to back, sucking on his fingers, sleeping through the night and laughing out loud when tickled.  He is such a cutie and is adored by his brothers.

In the last week or two I have really struggled with nursing.  I have been giving him bottles the last couple of feedings and he has eaten them up with vigor.  He has been having twice as many wet diapers and is a far more peaceful baby.  Poor baby I think he has been really really hungry the last couple of weeks.  I'm proud to say I got him through the first four months and will miss our special time together but I think this is for the best.

Isn't he a cutie in my glasses?

Some Random Pics

I'm often long winded, so I thought I would just post a few pics!

Sam at his Author's Tea with his book "You Better, Better Stay Away from Tornadoes"

Getting his "published author" certificate.

Joel with Papa.

Joel waving.

Ethan, being silly Ethan.

Enjoy!

Ethan's Birthday

I still can't believe I have a five year old! On November 2, at around 12:30 am-ish, Ethan officially became "school age". Ethan is a character! He has the unique ability to make me crazy and make me smile all in the same second. Ethan has always been my "artistic" child. At times I have a hard time appreciating his idiosyncrasies because they do not conform to the compliant, laid back personality of his older brother.

Recently I have been working with he and Gabe on "school work". We have had a blast exploring colors and numbers while also walking through the Bible. Each time we sit down to work I am in awe of Ethan's "flare". He has an eye for things I don't see. We once read a book called "The Big Orange Splot", basically the story delves into the life of Mr. Plumbean. Mr. Plumbean lives on a street where all the houses look the same, that is until one day a Seagull (I believe) drops a blob of orange paint on his house (no one knows why). The neighbors try to pressure Mr. Plumbean into painting his house back to match theirs, but instead he decides to paint his house into a beautiful scene. Eventually Mr. Plumbean encourages the entire neighborhood to explore their creativity and paint their houses to their own tastes. As we turned the pages Ethan became distressed at the thought of Mr. Plumbean painting his house back to match those of his neighbors, "but I like it that way" he exclaimed, while Sam (as Nancy put it) was more then happy to enforce the rules of the HOA (home owners association). On another day I was making the boys beds. It was time to wash their quilts and I replaced it for the week with a denim comforter, again, Ethan was frustrated, "it's so boring", he proclaimed. It warmed my heart to realize that Ethan's lack of focus at times, was really his creative mind at work.

Ethan sees things and problems in ways that I never could. Ethan is always the first to put on a costume, even as baby he loved to wear the little crowns they give you at Burger King while Sam out and out refused! I was telling a friend recently, "Ethan is full of life, but that life often gets him in trouble". I definitely walk a fine line between squashing his precious personality and keeping him in line.

I think one of my favorite things about Ethan is his fierce loyalty. For those of you who know him well, Ethan is a wee little thing. He and Gabe, who are 27 months apart, can almost where the same clothes, but if Ethan feels that someone is threatening someone in our family, he has no problem stepping up and puffing up his little chest and telling them exactly how he feels. Next year Kindergarten may be an interesting year! Along with that loyalty comes his love for a good snuggle. No matter how your day has been you can always count on Ethan for some good lovin'.

I love you Ethan!

(blogger is having some serious issues tonight...maybe I'll load some more pics tomorrow!)

Extreme Bedroom Makeover

As I mentioned before, Greg and I have been redoing our master bedroom.  It has been stressful, but a ton of fun and it is BEAUTIFUL.  I owe everything to an old friend from high school named Erika Powell (nee' McPherson) (I've always wanted to use the word "nee'"), she has graciously given of her amazing talents and has "hooked us up" with a fantastic room.  Stay tuned for before and after pictures, we aren't quite done.  In the mean time, check out her blog and her website!!!  Oh and I added her website to my "Check out these sites" for future inspiration!

Club Foot -A deformity that is a combination of talipes equinus and talipes varus, marked by a plantar-flexed, inverted, and adducted foot.

Most of you probably know that Ethan was born with a club foot. When he was born I was devastated to learn that he had a "deformity". Looking back, I'm not sure why I was so upset. I suppose hind site truly is 20/20. If someone had told me five years ago that I would have a son doing this, I would have never believed them (he's wild isn't he?!):

Ethan's club foot has never held him back. This week we went to his yearly orthopedic appointment and the doctor was still fairly happy with where he was. Ethan has been complaining about not being able to hop on his left foot. The doc said the foot was slightly tighter probably because of a recent growth spurt. She showed us a few exercises I can do with him. If the foot does continue to tighten they will put us in for some PT and if that doesn't work we will go back to a month of casts and possibly minor surgery. She didn't seemed too concern so I'm pretty optimistic that the exercises at home will work.

I still need to post about his birthday....I'll get around to that next.

Happy Weekend, my Mommy and Daddy are coming...YEAH!!!

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke

The month of November, for most, is a month of Thanksgiving. While I do love Thanksgiving, November is also a month of remembrance for me.

Veteran's Day got me thinking of how different Greg and I's lives have been since the war started in 2003. I can still remember waking early on a cold March morning in Kansas. We had had Bible Study at our house the night before and all though it really wasn't published knowledge we knew the invasion was about to begin. Greg and I said special prayers that night for the Battalion from our Brigade that was already in Iraq. As I turned on the TV I witnessed the greenish haze of a night vision lens on a news camera. The camera was focused on several soldiers in gas masks walking back in forth in front of some sort of equipment. All I could do was cry, cry for my girlfriend Christy who's husband Dennis was already there and for myself and my little family. We didn't know exactly when Greg would leave at that point but we knew his leave was imminent.

On April 28th we watched Greg get on a bus headed for an airport that would send him to Iraq. Sam was almost two and Ethan was just an infant. Leaving that parking lot I remember thinking the war had almost a romantic notion to it. We were (and I believe are) the next Great Generation. The romance of a deployment quickly faded. Deployments are horrible. It is horrible to do everything alone, grocery trips, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, lawn mowing, child rearing, etc. are meant to be done as a couple. When Sean McWilliams was hit by an IED in October of 2003 and Greg assumed command of Alpha Company 1-13 Armor, I truly began to understand what fear was. Having Greg in command is something I could never really explain to someone who is not in the army. Greg's focus for two years was keeping his men alive, my job was to run the Family Readiness Group. Those two things are tough on a marriage. Our days at Fort Riley were some of the darkest I've known.

Greg returned from Iraq in March of 2004, by April we knew he would be returning. Gabe was born in January and Greg left just 12 days later. I have never cried so uncontrollably. My girlfriend Nancy must have thought I was CRAZY! Little did we all know what was in store for our company.

In November, just a few days after Thanksgiving, I received a call that Greg's gunner, SGT Dominic Sacco, had been killed by a sniper. Greg was no longer in command, but the new company commander's wife graciously allowed me to come and be with Brandi Sacco. The next few days were a blur of grief for me, I cannot imagine how they must have been for Brandi. Karen (the new commander's wife) and I spent many hours driving back and forth from Fort Riley to Topeka to be with Brandi and for the visitation and finally the funeral.



I will never forget that funeral. If you ever want to see true evil look into the eyes of Fred Phelps. For some reason Mr. Phelps feels that his calling in life is to go from town to town, with his "church" picketing soldiers funerals. Luckily there is another group called The Patriot Guard Riders who ride from funeral to funeral with their Harley's blaring to drown out the taunts from these evil people! I will never forget pulling up to the funeral home that frigid December day and seeing a flag upside down, knowing that my husband was risking his life so that these idiots could act like idiots. When I met up with Karen she wanted to sneak in the back of the funeral home, but I refused. I would not allow Fred Phelps to win. I told her we were going in the front door in front of everyone. We grabbed hands and walked what seemed like the longest walk of my life. We cried as we walked but I feel like we made a statement that day, that not even Phelps could take away the pride we felt for SGT Sacco and for our husbands. (For more picture of that day click HERE).

Someone else has decided that Phelps will no longer be able to torture the families of fallen soldiers. Albert Snyder, the father of a Marine who died in combat, has sued Fred Phelps and WON!! (For the news article click HERE). A federal judge in Baltimore awarded the Snyder family $11 million in damages because of Phelps' invasion of privacy. Now I know this family will probably never see a dime of that money, but I'm glad a good man has done something so that this evil will no longer be allowed to prevail!!

Okay, off my soap box for now....thanks for "listening" to my ranting....stay tuned for more sappy posts, we have an "Alive Day" coming up!!!

Finally Back

"You must have been a beautiful baby!!"

So sorry it's been awhile. Things have been so nuts around here. We finally got our new computer and I've been waiting for Greg to transfer everything on to this new computer. Right now we are waiting for some fancy screw driver so we can take the hard drive out of the laptop. Fun, fun.

I don't know when I'll get around to pics of Ethan's FIFTH birthday but I thought I would atleast get the Halloween pictures up.

A little background on Halloween, in July we found Spiderman costumes at Costco. Ethan was dying to have one so we went ahead and picked it up for Trick or Treating. Since Ethan was getting one Gabe just had to have one too. Several days later Sam was sure he was missing out and wanted to be Spiderman as well. We had to go to three different Costcos to find his size but by the end of July we were all set for Halloween. I was certain that someone would change their mind before the end of October, but thankfully we only had one little fickle pickle, Sam. He came home from school the week before Halloween and announced that he in fact wanted to be "Darth Vader". Luckily he wasn't too upset when I reminded him of his Spiderman costume! Anywho, here are some pics from the big day.

Before Trick or Treating

The boys doing their "web shooters". Gabe couldn't quite figure it out.

With all my SPIDERMEN!! Notice my new hair cut, all though this picture does not do it justice! It is much cuter in real life!!

When Spidermen attack!

As usual Gabe, who by the way is making me CRAZY, had some funny Halloween stories. Because there were three spidermen, and because Gabe was a little slow, he was constantly getting gypped! He would run up to a door, and everyone thought he was one of the other boys coming back for more candy. One lady looked at him and said, "are you coming back for more, didn't you get enough?". Poor Gabe , I kept having to tell people that he was the third of three spidermen! The funniest part of our evening was when Gabe went up to a door and rang the bell. The guy opened the door and we said, "Gabe, what do you say?", Gabe went into the house and in a Chuckie-esque voice said, "GIMME SOME CANDY", not exactly what we had hoped for! Overall we had a great evening. Below is a picture of the trick or treaters in action, would you believe, they kept those masks on the entire time!

You can't tell from this picture, but because Gabe is still in a diaper, he had the cutest little spiderman butt I have ever seen!!

The boys made out like bandits this year! Our neighborhood has set the bar high! They received, books, toys, Pixie Sticks as tall as they are and gads and gads of candy. Thankfully, no Play-Doh this year, curses, to whoever thought handing out play-doh was a good idea, I hate that stuff! Yes it is rather fun, but what a MESS!!

Again, so sorry I'm so behind! Stay tuned for more updates, including, Ethan's birthday and our bedroom's extreme home makeover!!

Death of an Apple :0(

Well, I know many of our loyal fans are anxious to see new pics of the Spencer fam, tragically, our computer died last night, taking with it many of our pictures. We are hoping to be able to recover everything when we get our new computer on Monday. Right now I'm using "Ol' Blue" our 4 year old Dell computer that is on it's last leg.....and is really only good for checking email. I'll update as soon as possible! Yesterday Joel was 3 months old, Ethan is five today, and my Dad is coming for a visit so we have lots to share! Check back early next week.